Monday, June 8, 2009

Eine kleine humor.

It seems the world has a lot of information it wants me to see. I type my own name into google, and I get ads. Also, it seems I am a Correctional Supervisor in Ohio. I wonder when they stopped using the term prison warden. Evidently, I am the person to ask.

I sometimes like to read the spam in my email. So often, they ask, "is she really satisfied?" I tell you what, she'll be a lot less satisfied if I have talk about that to someone who sent me junk-mail. Also, it seems any idiot can get rich from home with nothing but a computer and a high-speed internet connection. We've must all be dumber than cow-patties then cause few of us are rich.

You ever wonder about people who smile too much? I mean, I like cheerful people just fine, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the people who seem to have a perma-smile - the kind that seems plastered on their face rather than chosen. I keep thinking those people want to sell me a swiffer. Really, I like my mop! Just stop smiling at me!

I went to the grocery store the other night. I walked straight past the bored check-out clerk, waving as I went. I walked straight to the beer isle, grabbed a six-pack and without losing a step went straight back to the check-out. The girl asked me if I had found everything I needed today. Some part of me so desperately wanted to say "No! I demand to know where the Russian cavier is!" I simply asked, "you're instructed to say that aren't you." I didn't put a question-mark on that because it wasn't really a question.

She chuckled.

The nicest person I came across yesterday was the clerk at a gas station. He sold me a coke. It so happens he was the only person I came across yesterday but he was quite nice.

Ok, ok, I'll buy the swiffer! Please, just please, stop smiling at me...

Being a graduate student is a lot like being an alcoholic. You drink a lot.

I spent the day driving a gaggle of good looking women around on a wine-tasting tour through the state. Many would not pity me for this. The thing was, they were all between tipsy and drunk and I was completely sober. If you don't see how this can be frustrating enough for a guy just assume you can get it by seeing my comment about being a graduate student.

I have this backpack I was given by a girl I knew in college. She had two and I needed one. Several years later we got married. Part of me wonders if she just wanted her backpack back.

Every girl in this country seems to look forward to the day someone puts a ring on her finger so she can make you miserable the first ten times she misplaces it...

...I think a soldering iron can fix this problem. Tell me if you know how this works out.

I think everyone should have two things they are truly great at. I have only one. It's physics and beer drinking.

What, the swiffer wasn't enough? Stop smiling at me!

Some people say life is short. They are technically incorrect. What they should be saying is that life is trivially compactified.

...I told you I am only truly good at physics and beer drinking.

1 comment:

  1. You don't let me use the backpack, so I must have married you for another reason...